I spent half of 2018 on dating apps. Two in particular: Bumble and Hinge. Both wonderful apps with amazing potential for people to find their life partners if they want. I downloaded Bumble end of July after a week vacation with three of my best friends (who are all in serious relationships), then downloaded Hinge not too long after. I’ve been on and off Bumble for the past few years. Typically downloading again and again after spending time with people who are in very happy relationships.
I have always been skeptical of dating apps. Which is probably why they’ve never been successful for me. I’ve gone in with a closed-mind thinking “fat chance I’m going to find someone worth my time on here” or “my friends won’t get off my back, so I’m going to download and prove to them this won’t work“…see? I set myself up for failure. So this year, I decided when I re-downloaded these apps, I was going to give it a fair shot. I swiped on guys I was genuinely interested in and did my best to keep conversations going until I felt comfortable enough going on a date.
Spoiler alert: I never felt comfortable going on a date.
I even had my friends help me design my profile. Asking them to review me so I could put it in my bio. Here’s some samplings of what they said:
- “Hands down the dopest chick you will ever find. HIGHLY recommended. A+++, 50 gold stars.” – my best friend, Dayna
- “100% the most reliable friend you could ever ask for, so giving, so loving, so caring, and super loyal! Has the best personality and a great adventurous spirit. A great time to go on spontaneous adventure with, but also to have a chill night at home.” – my other best friend, Amelia
- “Uhmmm. Casie Kamph. Here lies a care free person whom sees just about the good in everyone. Though quite shy at times, she means well and loves to get to know you as a person and will listen.” -my buddy, Joe…(who for some reason made it a eulogy…and said I’m shy…?)
I kept up the “fair shot” mindset for all of a month. I chatted up potential dates, the conversation fell short, and I tried again. I checked my apps far too often, seeing if the guy I was interested in was chatting back, only to be disappointed that he hadn’t yet. And the cycle continued.
My married friends always asked me if they could “play” — which means they wanted to swipe on guys. So I would hand over my phone and give them free range. This was about two months into using the apps and I was discouraged and honestly bored. I didn’t care anymore about the men I was matching with and the conversations we were having. So I let my friends do whatever they wanted. I figured, heck, if they match with someone I wouldn’t normally and the conversation goes great, then I’ll consider myself lucky.
Spoiler alert: none of the conversations went great.
With me downloading, deleting, and re-downloading Bumble, my profile never actually went away. Which means old matches never actually went away. I had matched with this one guy over a year ago and our conversations were great. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the right mindset or place in life to pursue anything with him, so I let him know and deleted the app. When I came back to the app in July, I saw I had a message from him back in January, saying how bummed he was things never worked out. So, as any rom-com lover would do, I sent a message back saying I’d love to catch up if he was still on the app. Lucky for me, he was. Our conversations picked right back up and everything felt good. So, we scheduled a date.
Now, the date I went on was not safe. No one, and I mean no one, should plan a date like this for the first date.
We decided to watch the sunrise together for our first date. Again, super cute in the world of a rom-com lover, but many of my friends were VERY concerned. I had never met this guy, none of my friends knew this guy, and we were meeting somewhere before the sun was up…which meant total darkness and virtually no one else around us. It was stupid, I know. I sent my location to some friends when I arrived and the date went really well.
And that’s the end to that story. A second date never happened. Conversations kind of slowed after the date. I was busy and he was busy. All in all, I thought I had been ghosted. So I continued on the dating apps, hopeful for another decent connection.
Then the month of October hit and I honestly didn’t have time to date. I was working long hours, spending most of my nights at events or trying to catch up on sleep/house things, and I wasn’t meeting any guys on the apps I wanted to give my one free night of the week up for. So, my use of the dating apps slowed. I wasn’t investing in conversations, so the guys I was talking to weren’t investing either.
Now we’re here. I decided to delete the dating apps because I wasn’t trying anymore. I didn’t want to keep trying. I had gone to a bar with friends and talked to various guys who I found more interesting and fun to talk to than the guys I was talking to on the apps. I decided I wanted to focus on my life and do things I love and maybe, just maybe, that’ll lead me to someone I’m interested in dating.
Who knows, maybe I’ll download the apps again after the holiday season. When I’m feeling bored and lonely and just wishing someone would clean the snow off of my car…(oh, boyfriends don’t always do that? well then what’s the point?)
But honestly, I’m guessing if I haven’t already met the guy I’ll trick into dating me, I’ll meet some guy at a dog park or at one of the multiple weddings I’m going to in 2019. So fellas, if you’re interested, you better start going to Minneapolis dog parks or find ways to get invited to my friends weddings.
P.S. I’m serious, I’m going to at least 5 weddings next year, so odds are good of meeting at least one date-able guy…right?