Lately, I’ve found myself reevaluating where I choose to invest my time and who I choose to invest in. Honestly, I’ve never taken time to reflect on this process and understand why I choose to do what I do and why I choose to be friends with someone. However, I’m realizing that even when I invest as much energy into something or someone as I can, I may not get the same investment in return.
Investing time into people is one of the most exhausting things you can do. It is always 100% your choice on who you invest in and how much time you invest in that person. I’ve learned I am someone who will invest endless amounts of time of people. I begin to care for people very quickly and desperately seek friendship from them. With that, I give a lot of my energy to them.
After the past few weeks, I’ve been let down a good amount from people I have tried to invest a good amount of time in. Whether it be ditching out on plans, not being invited somewhere, trying to hold a conversation, etc. I’ve been left hanging quite a few times. This is not at the fault of these people, mind you. This is more on my end. I hold people to very high expectations. I assume that if I take the time to respond to a text, so will they. I assume that if I go out of my way to invite people, so will they. I make these assumptions and get let down almost every time. I place these expectations on people because I want them in my life. I want to have these friendships that I value as important, but I’m realizing these people don’t value me in the same way. Again, I’m not blaming or trying to make people feel bad, I’m just telling the truth. So I’m learning to be okay with it.
I’m also learning to be okay with stepping back and not investing as much time into organizations and work. I have been running myself dry trying to get through school, apply for jobs, and give everything I have to my organizations as well as my internship in the Admissions Office. Being someone who likes to lead, I am forcing myself to step back and just encourage others to take on tasks I am more than willing to do. With graduation happening in 27 days (OMG!!) I have to learn to let go and let others take over.
I’m reaching a point where I just feel stagnant in my life. I’m ready for the next step and transition. If you know me, you’re probably shocked hearing that. Yes, I absolutely hate change. However, I hate feeling stuck even more. I need a new routine. I want to find new people and new opportunities to invest my time in.