*WARNING VULNERABLE POST AHEAD*
I’m in the biggest time of transition in life. I’m doing everything possible to finish college strong, spend time with people I really value having in my life, and maintain a healthy mental state, as well. Sadly, I’m not doing too hot in a lot of those areas.
Last year I lived in a house with three of my best friends. We had a really good time. We’d hang out throughout the week, go out on weekends, and rest on Sundays. I didn’t have to focus too hard on my school works, it all came pretty naturally to me. I didn’t have to worry about being too exhausted to go out with my friends on a Saturday night, I rested throughout the week to enjoy my weekends. I didn’t even have to worry about waking up early on a Sunday morning, because I had stopped going to church each week.
Every single one of those things bothers me, now.
Up to this semester, studying wasn’t a part of my life. Reading for a class wasn’t a huge necessity. I could just go to class, partially pay attention and get a good grade. Why did I let myself fall into this habit? I am drowning in my school work this semester. I feel like I barely have time to catch up or even get started on homework. I’ve been going to class partially prepared and my grades have been showing it. I honestly don’t know what to do about it, either.
I went out every weekend last year, basically. It seemed like that was the only thing to do or that was the only thing my peers wanted to do. We were all of age and we all enjoyed going out. However, now I partied myself out. I honestly can’t even get the energy to get dressed up. I also don’t want to waste my money on adult beverages, ya feel? Yet, now this year, I’ve felt really secluded and alienated from my peers. I’m basically the grandma of the group — yes, I’ve been called that.
Then finally, through going out every weekend, I ended up stopping going to church because I was too tired in the morning or felt awkward and guilty for going after a night out. I was losing faith in God, myself, and the life I was choosing. I’m still feeling this way.
I need to get back to my roots. I’ve been having so many anxiety attacks this semester and I don’t know who to turn to. But, one thing is for sure. I didn’t want to post this week making everything seem all peachy like I normally do. I need to be real with people and show everyone who chooses to read my blog that I am not living a perfect life. I am not living a life I am constantly proud of. And i’m most definitely not living a life that I want to constantly brag about. This semester I made a promise to myself that I would show every side of me on this blog — so that’s what I’m doing.
I’m doing a lot of reevaluating tonight (thanks to a friend, I realized I needed to). I’m looking to get back to my roots. So if you’re finding yourself in a rut, you’re not alone. We’re in this one together.
Until next week,