I’m sure you’re all sick of reading this, but I’m sorry for not posting in a while. I mean, I don’t have an outrageous number of people following this blog, but I have a few of you and I want to be writing. I want to be writing about anything and everything just to write.
See, when you’re a student, like I am, you lose sight of things that really matter to you. All you can focus on is grades, assignments, papers, exams, organizations, commitments, obligations, resumes, applications, etc, etc, etc. You never leave time for what you enjoy doing and most importantly, yourself. I haven’t been spending much time allowing myself to be alone, to watch Netflix, to write, to pray, or to read. I’ve been consumed in more than enough of the things I listed above. I’ve completely forgotten that I am important, too. I mean even now I have my phone right beside me, my email pulled up, and other forms of ways to contact me just in case someone needs me.
I am exhausted.
I hadn’t fully realized it until yesterday. And the only reason I realized it was because my voice gave out during a tour I was giving of campus and I was more upset that a mother was annoyed of the fact that she couldn’t understand me, not because I was sick. I was also upset because I couldn’t give the tour I had planned on giving immediately after the first. I didn’t realize I wasn’t giving myself time until my friend Steven pulled me aside and said I needed to slow down. And he wasn’t the first one to tell me this.
This semester, I’ve taken on a lot. I don’t leave myself time during the week to regenerate, refocus, reboot, re-this, re-that. I barely have time most days to eat lunch and it’s starting to take a toll on me. I’ve been trying to tell myself that I can handle it, that it will all be fine and I’ll find time during the weekend to get my homework done, to listen to music, to read, to write, to pray. I’ll find time. Little does this inner voice know that I only get 24 hours in a day, just like everyone else. And if I want to sleep, I really only get about 17 hours a day. But then with classes put into that timeframe, I get about 13 hours a day. Give some time for my internship or work, I get 9 hours a day. But don’t forget about multiple meetings in a day, so then here’s to 6 hours a day. WIthin that extra 6 hours, we can probbaly account 2 of those to commuting different places, eating, using the restroom, etc. So I have 4 hours left in a day. That seems like a good amount of time. Yet, I am a procrastinator, so give me some time for random Facebook creeping that does me no good, I’m down to 3. 3 hours to relax but also try to do some homework, well that’s a full day. And this is counting on at least 6 hours of sleep, sometimes I get more, sometimes I get less.
I’m glad I could break all of that down for you, I know it’s incredibly important for you all to see that. (I know, sarcasm doesn’t read well..) It was really for me. I’ve never taken the time to see how I spend the time in my days.
What I’m trying to say is, I’m not giving myself enough time to do the things I really enjoy. Yes, I love being a student that’s involved, has an internship as well as a job, has friends that stick around even when I don’t give them enough time, and a God that is willing to listen whenever I pray to Him. I don’t love being a stressed out, irritable, in-a-rut, sick, distant version of myself. I’ll be working on this in the most relaxing way possible.
Thanks for letting me get that out.